I have migraines all the time, no biggie. Well, they’re a big biggie, but they’re normal for me so whatever. B, on the other hand, only has about two or three of them each year, so when he tells me he’s got the flashing spots on his vision I take him very seriously and drop everything to make him comfortable.
Saturday was one such day. B stepped outside in the morning and immediately trudged back to tell me in a quiet voice that he thought he was getting a migraine. I went into crisis mode, cooking breakfast, rounding up all the Excedrin in the house, and creating a sort of nest (read: blackout shelter) in our bedroom. He spent the rest of the day holed up there napping and trying to relax, and when I wasn’t napping next to him I was trying to clean the house and get some of the things on my To Do list accomplished.
On Sunday the worst part of B’s headache was gone, but we still remained holed up like vampires. By that evening I was tired of being cooped up and I’d succumbed to my inevitable caged animal blues, so B discovered me sprawled across our bed gazing blankly out the window. When he asked me what was wrong I mumbled something about my head not being right and then he promptly disappeared into the office. Sighing over the fact that he’d rather spend time laughing at YouTube videos than caring for his moody wife, I trudged after him into the office to encounter this:
B: (turning away from the computer screen) Come here; sit down. Have you taken your Omega-3s today?
B: Okay. Did you brush your teeth? (sniffs) Yes, good. Now pet Gromit.
C: Hi Gromit. I love you Gromit. What’s going on? Why are you doing this?
B: Now turn around. No, not that way. This way. Okay, massage time!
C: Ouch. You’re not very good at this. OUCH! What’s up?
B: I found this website and it says these are the things you should do to beat the blues. Okay, turn back toward me. Now take a deep breath. Like this. Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!! Good! Yes, laugh! Hahaha! That’s on the list, too! Now give me a kiss. Muah! Now you need a hug. Huuuuuuuug! Okay, it says to eat chocolate. Crap, that’s not in our diet. So let’s move on…YAWN!
C: I can’t yawn on command! (yawn) Oh, wait, I can.
B: Good! Now stretch your arms above your head. Mmmm, doesn’t that feel good? Streeeeetch! Okay, what’s next?
B grabs me by the hand and marches me into our bedroom, where he opens my most expensive bottle of perfume and prepares to douse me with it.
C: NO! WAIT! My allergies are awful today! I can’t wear perfume right now!
B: (looking confused) Well, okay then. Let’s go back to the list. Okay, next thing. (grabs me by the hand and marches me outside) Look up. Mmmm, sky.
C: It’s cloudy and gray and icky. The sky is depressing today.
B: Okay, look at me. Next thing. Think of five things you’re grateful for. What are you grateful for?
C: (giggling) You. Gromit and Molly. Our jobs. Our home.
B: What else? One more thing. C’mon! Our friends?
C: Yes, that’s a good one. I’m thankful for our friends.
B: Okay, now let’s pray. (clasps my hands with his) Ominous dominous don’t get any on us. Okay, now go clean the toilet!
B: That’s weird. The list says it’s supposed to pick you up, but you already cleaned most of the house today so we can skip that. Thank you for your hard work, sweetie. Doesn’t it make you feel better to know that the house is clean?
C: Mehh. You just reminded me that I didn’t clean the toilets yet. Now I’m depressed again. (giggling)