The Chair

Meet The Chair.

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The nametag says “FREE,” but that’s not what they call me.

The Chair leapt from a neighbor’s curb–“FREE” sign and all–and wandered home with Husband one afternoon. Despite Husband’s best attempts to convince Wife that The Chair should enter their house, it took up residence in the garage where it sat dreaming of the day it could receive a makeover and fulfill its destiny as a “Gaston chair.”

Just add horns and fur.
This is not a Gaston chair.
The WE website calls these Gaston chairs, but I don’t believe it.

Alas, that day never came and there the chair continued to sit, taking up space. Eventually Husband grew tired of its presence in his garage gym and decided that he and The Chair needed to part ways. Wife created a Craigslist ad to list it for free and she also messaged Husband’s bachelor friends to ask if they wanted to add The Chair to their random furniture collection. This inquiry was met with a resounding negative response, and the Craigslist ad went unanswered. There the lonely chair sat at the curb for two days, unclaimed. At one point Wife returned home to find a neighbor’s child sitting in the chair, staring out into the road. Wife sent a text message to Husband’s aforementioned friends, cursing the chair and it’s curb-lingering ways, and received this tale in response:

It’s a street chair now. It will wander the streets at night looking for smack and robbing gas stations and if you try to mess with it then it will mess you up.

Fearing the worst, Husband and Wife decided that perhaps The Chair needed to take up residence at the friends’ house for a while. And so it did.

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Now I’m over here!

Husband and Wife sat giggling in the car parked two houses away as he typed out the group text message, “Good news! The Chair is no longer in our yard,” and the above photo, clearly showing it in front of the friends’ house.

The front door opened, then closed, then opened again, then closed again. Wondering why the message hadn’t elicited a stronger response, Husband and Wife decided to up the ante a bit. Husband trotted across the street to park in the chair for a photo op.

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Ahhhhh.

This too went into a text message to the friends, a taunting reminder of The Chair’s presence in their lawn. Again the front door opened, this time followed by a meeting of the four friends, who reveled in the brief tale of The Chair’s wanderings. The friends admitted that had The Chair remained in their lawn they would have kindly helped it find its way home again, along with some new associates: Discarded Desk Chair and Busted Television Set. Husband and Wife’s neighborhood HOA likely would have pitched a fit over the gathering of furniture friends in Husband and Wife’s lawn, so instead of furthering the joke they decided to return home with The Chair and relish the thought of what could have been.

A short while later someone finally responded to the Craigslist ad and decided to take The Chair to its forever home. This is where Husband, Wife, and friends parted ways with the The Chair. This also marks the end of this chapter of The Chair’s saga. We hope.

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