Girl at the checkout counter: “Has anyone ever told you you look like Kate, you know, like Prince William’s Kate?”
Well no, they haven’t. (Probably because I don’t.) But if shopping at Home Depot in my work clothes gets me such flattering compliments, I’m going to schedule more after-work Home Depot stops.
Wife: I want to go see an active volcano together. Let’s add that to our list.
Husband: F that. I want to live. I don’t like volcanoes.
Wife: C’mon! Live on the wild side!
Husband: You never know when it’s going to blow. There’s a reason people die; it’s because they’re taken by surprise. (insert list of catastrophic volcano eruptions throughout history)
Husband: Yeah. Especially if I’m preparing for longevity by eating mostly plants. If you want to go traipsing around volcanoes I’m gonna start smoking and eating burnt steak every night.
While I was cooking dinner this evening, B interrupted to give me a long hug and a kiss. Then this:
B: We’ve had some good times, haven’t we baby?
C: Yes, I think so. but you say that like you’re about to put me out.
B: Haha! Yeah, I’m planning to sell you when we go to Europe.
C: Oh. Okay.
B: I think you’ll do all right for yourself.
Ode to my office neighbor who blares pop music all day long:
Hey, I just met you
and this is craaazy
But here’re some headphones
so wear them maybe.
There was that one time (yes, ONE TIME) when I actually woke up before my husband did on a Saturday morning. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to surprise him with breakfast.
Then our old, rusty, to-be-replaced kitchen faucet blew up and water sprayed everywhere, so instead of fresh coffee and a hot breakfast, B woke up to, “Sweetheart, I need help RIGHT now!” and had to help me cap the geyser in our kitchen.
Notice the transition:
C: A man just walked by me and said, “Excuse me ma’am, has anyone told you yet today how beautiful you are?”
B: (laughing, grabbing my butt) Did you say, “nope!”?
C: No, I said “thank you” then I beelined back to you.
B: It was an old guy, right?
C: No. Somebody our age. Clean cut.
B: (Stops laughing. Scans parking lot.)